Somehow, even when I’m trying my dam hardest to stay on the straight and narrow and keep my nose out of trouble, life gives me a little midday movies experience.

Two weeks ago, I received an email from someone who I should not be receiving anything but professional emails from. This email merely asking how I was, briefly opened up a whirlwind shit storm. When the first email arrived in my inbox I was intrigued, I did have a five-minute schoolgirl crush on this person. What did he want? What was the purpose of these emails? As my curiosity grew, the back and forth chit chat became more and more consistent, however, very one-sided. He opened up about his breakup with his wife, his kids, and I began to see he was lonely and in need a friend or someone to talk to. I’m not sure why I felt like the savour to the lost and vulnerable, but I continued to communicate with him with the hopes it would help him in the long run.

My naive view was met with a slap in the face when I realised he was after more. The so-called newly established friendship was tainted with invites to swim in his pool, or him wanting to take me on trips or to do some sort of activity with him. Not to mention the messages asking if I was dreaming about him and if he could come to pick me up when I was at a friends party.

As the endless dirty rushes of anxiety and stress washed over me, and I realised the inappropriateness of all this. He, as my superior, was crossing a professional boundary and not only was beginning to make me feel extremely uncomfortable but adding a lot of unwanted stress into my life.

I began to wonder about the repercussions for me; what if this got out? What would people think? Would my professional career be tainted? Would I lose the respect of others within my world?

With these added thoughts running through my head, the stress was becoming too much. I don’t want anything affecting my career path. I knew what I had to do. I cut the ties stating my reasoning with full transparency. I want to move on without this having any effect on my career or reputation.

Feeling freer with the notion that I got out before anything stupid happened, or people found out, I got wind that I am not the only one.

Stressed out again by this newfound information, I wondered, do I email him and pre-worn him a hurricane from higher above may be coming? Or do I ignore it and not get involved?

I want nothing to do with all of this and pretend like my stupid decision to open up communication with him never happened.

Ignorance is bliss. Right?

With sheer frustration and the hopes this will all blow over, I apologise.

I’m sorry you are so fucking stupid and opened up this can of worms.
I’m sorry that I allowed communication to take a turn to inappropriate vill.
I’m so sorry I was dumb enough to buy into his “friendship”.
I’m sorry, he thinks it’s ok to take advantage of this authority and power position.

I apologise.


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