With the number of memories shooting through my brain, there are so many apologies I wish to make. It’s hard to know where to start in my endeavour for forgiveness. I guess the most practical would be to start with the most recent event, the one that has triggered this whole horrific trip through memory lane and sparked my quest for a clear conscience and cleansed soul.
A couple of weeks ago I organised for myself and three friends to head to a gig. I had been looking forward to this for weeks; this was my college break gift to myself. I had spent the next week shopping for the perfect outfit to wear, organising my next day survival (hangover) kit and staying out of mischief, so I was full of energy the night of the gig. My friend and I drove to where the concert was and check into our hotel. Once settled in we took it upon ourselves to start the ‘weekend festivities’, which I’m now realising was a little too early in the day. One drink here, one drink there and another two cocktails later, I was already on my way to the back out express…. it was 4 pm.
By 6.30pm, we left the hotel room all dolled up and ready for the night out. By this stage, I was a little too ready, meaning this is where the night goes blank for me. I recall being a dinner for a short moment, and parts of the gig, then dancing at some drag show. The next thing I know Im awake back in the hotel room and in desperate need of some water.
While trying to wake up, it had not yet dawned on me that the night just been is limited in its details. But luckily for me, I have a great friend who tells me I owe them more than a sip of my water for putting up with my shit last night. At that very moment the smile leaves my face, and my heart sinks, this is where I realise oh fuck, I’ve done it again. I have over drank and can’t remember a goddam thing.
Here are the parts I missed………
– Stumbling while trying to walk around the city
– Endlessly kicking the seat in front of me at the gig. When asked to stop, I felt it was appropriate to tell her and her friends to fuck off and mind their business?!?!?
– Using the poor guy next to me a recliner/ arm to lean on, much to his girlfriend’s disgust and frustrations.
– Abusively told my friend that they are a CUNT if they didn’t carry me home because my feet hurt.
– I attempted to chuck someone’s bike in the river.
– Tried to drink popcorn (I guess I thought it was a drink) unfortunately I ended up showering myself in it instead.
My friend proceeds to tell me that there could have been a good chance that I could of A) Got in to a fight, which in my state I would have clearly lost. B) Got kicked out as security was watching me all night and C) Potently arrested after I tried to discard of someones property in the river.
Now, these are just the things that were shared with me. I’m sure there are many other things my friends are not disclosing of the night to help shield me from the truth. For that I thank them, It was becoming increasinly hard. to listent to.
Embarrassed, mortified, regretful, shame, so much shame is what I was and still am feeling. I wish the night had not gotten away from me. I wish I saw the gig i was at.
Since that night, I have struggled to make contact with my friends. I have apologised to them all individually. I am amazed that they all said ‘hey it’s ok, we all have these nights at some point’. Even though they have excepted my apology, I still feel guilty.
To my friends, I’m sorry for my actions; I’m sorry for the things I said, I’m sorry you had to stand by me while I undoubtedly embarrassed you beyond belief. I’m sorry to the citizens around me that I abused and swore at. I’m sorry that even though I didn’t know you, nor have we ever met, I still managed to be that person who ruined your evening for you. To the girls who sat infront of me, I am sorry for kicking your chair and I rudely telling you to fuck off when you asked me to stop, I am so, so, so sorry for my disgusting behavour.
To you all, you will never know how sorry I am.